Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
