I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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