Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
