I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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