i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
