Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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