I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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