You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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