I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Bring me that man meat
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
