Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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