There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
