I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
