Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yo dont text me then not text me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
