you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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