I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Farmville is her only friend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
