I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
