Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
