Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
