Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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