I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
