I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
