you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
