ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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