I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
