it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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