I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
