Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
