Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
