Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
