Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
