I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize