Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
