guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
