at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
