I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
