This is not my ceiling
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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