i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
