You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
