so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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