The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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