I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
