Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
