those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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