After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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