I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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