her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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