They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
