I've blown a few things in my day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
