so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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