I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
