he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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