I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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