i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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