Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
