dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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