ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
