haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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