I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
