I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
