Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
