I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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