im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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