Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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