Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
