You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
