Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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