if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
